The moment when you realize that you have wasted almost your
entire life up to that moment. That instant when you realize that ninety-five
percent of your life has been spent on distractions from life. In that moment,
you know that tears are bitter and salty tasting, and you know what it feels
like to run out of tears. You know what it feels like to hear your very own
heart scream and wreath in pain. You know that something is different about
you. You know that you don't ever want to be the same as you were before. You
hate what you were before in that moment because you were living for yourself.
And the realization hurts so bad that you die inside, but the death does not
leave you lifeless. No that moment when you die inside to the person that you
were marks the beginning of your life--your real life the way it should have been lived all along.
The pain of that moment can only be written by a heart in its
very own blood. The pain is not a pain brought about my anything happening to
you. The moment teaches you that being hurt yourself is not bad at all. Wounds
heal. No, the pain is more potent and more real than any pain you can ever feel
for yourself. This pain that I'm telling you about is the pain of love. Not
romantic love, not husband and wife, brother and sister, or even mother to
infant love but rather the love of God for someone who does not believe they
deserve God's love and you feel for them the way that God does.
If hurts to feel love like God does. It hurts so much. It
hurts to see people hurting and in pain and to love them. It hurts to know that
people hate themselves. It hurts to know that people choose to believe a lie
rather than believe God. Rather than accept God's love, rather than accept
God's hand that offers help, they accept a lie. It hurts to see people look at
themselves and judge condemn themselves on trivial things that culture and peer-pressure do but should not. Only God has the right to judge. Only God
should decide who is deserves love.
God has decided who he loves, and He did decide who is
deserving. He chose you. He chose us. God has judged us righteous and
blameless if we accept Him and the freely given gift. He has said, “Come to me and I will give you rest. Come to me and I
will show you my love. I will pour out a love in your heart so much that you
can't begin to describe it. Come, let me dry your tears. Let me lift you on my
shoulders. Come into my house and let me prepare for you anything you want.
Take rest I will provide. Just ask me and I will do for you. You are more
precious to me than all the earth, the stars, the moon, or the sun. I even gave
up my own son for you a stranger that did not know me. It grieves me
to see you suffer. I cry for you. I cry with you. I see your pain. I see you
always and I beg you please, please come to me. I have given everything so you
can come to me. Why don't you come. Why don't you hear my call. I hear your
calls, hear mine for you. Come to me. Come and take my help. Why do you listen
to the enemy. Why do you accept lies over my love. Don't reject me, I love you
and I do not reject you. I want to bring you into my family. I am a good father to my children--those who seek to dwell with me. I am not
a father like any father you have ever known or seen. I am a father who is only
loving, I am a father who is love.”
But despite God's pleas for us to take His outstretched hand and
accept His love and righteousness, some accept the sharp edge of a knife and
the blood of self-inflicted wounds instead. Some take the hand of a cold iron
gun and the hot bullets into the heart. Some waist away on drugs and alcohol.
Some languish in bitterness, anger, fear. In the moment when you realize that
those people and their pain needs you. When you realize that people are on
their knees reading themselves their own last rights and God needs your help.
When you need to bring God's love to them because they don't even have the
strength to bring themselves there, and when you realize that you have not been doing what you ought to be and people are suffering because of it--it hurts bad. When you love like God does, it
hurts. It's a deep searing pain, like a fire inside. God's love is burning to
get out. It's clawing in every direction. It needs to get free and help. It's
frantically searching for a way to hold the hearts of the broken together.
That's why it hurts so much in that moment of realization
where the mind meets the heart and the heart is holding God's love hostage.
God's love does not leave Him without returning something to Him. It's the most
painful feeling to hold back God's love. If God has placed His love in your
heart, let it heal others. Let God's love work. Don't stop God's love from
kissing away the pain from one of His children when they fall down. Don't hold
back God's love. He gave us a gift that is meant to give. If you know the pain
that God's love when detained causes, you know the pain. It hurts to do things
wrong. It should hurt you to not walk in love, to not bring God’s love and
helping hand to those He stretches it out to.
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