Sitting in a room filled with students, like me, about my age, from the same country, and most from the same state, watching and listening to a concert for a school event, and it hits me, I don’t relate to anyone there. I don’t understand them, and they would not understand me. The things they do and the things they like, and more importantly, the reason why, are completely different from my own. They don’t listen to my music, read the books I read, watch the TV I like, act the way I do, or think the way I do. I am an outsider in the middle of my own culture. I could just as easily fit-in in a cartoon.
It made me wonder, if I was the only one in the room as confused by our culture as me. I wondered are there others out there who are going along with the joke, laughing at the punch-line, but not really finding it funny. Or is it me? Am I the only one who doesn’t get it? I know what is culturally acceptable, and what is not, but I don’t understand why. Does everyone else really understand what’s happening? Why is country music bad, why is it wrong to stay sober on your birthday, why is it good to swear like a pirate, why is it fine to sleep around, why is nagging and complain about everything good, why is it fun to condemn, why? Who gets to decide what is right? Why do we listen to them? Why don’t I get to shape my culture, and why does culture get to shape me?
Why do young kids sometimes commit suicide, why do teenagers keep getting pregnant, why is alcoholism funny, why is divorce something to laugh at?
Cultural influences are not responsible for everything bad in the America, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. When I think about it, maybe sitting in a large room of people who don’t understand me and who I don’t understand is depressing, not because I feel utterly alone and isolated, but because I see how different it could be, and don’t understand why it is the way it is, and why it’s not changing for the better. Why is being “bad” culturally equal to being “cool”?
Kyle, you would be amazed to know how many people feel exactly like you, across the world, you are not as alone as you think :)
ReplyDeleteA lot of people just go ahead with believing/pretending to believe in what is supposedly a cool way of being, because the moment you step out of line, you are alone. It is not necessarily that they "get it"; they may just be choosing the easier way, being false to themselves – or they are just not thinking and deciding what is good and what is bad. But as Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Many of us decide to choose the other path, we step out and walk alone, because there is no way we can pretend. And you would be amazed at the number of people who admire you for your courage, because you are doing what they are afraid to do. And some move out and follow you - that's how you bring about change.
I am 43 now, and have always walked the different path, done un-cool things. It was difficult in the beginning, but I am now amazed at the number of people who admire what I have made of myself, and who are willing to change themselves following my example. The extent of one's influence is immeasurable.
I see so many people my age look back and regret that they followed the “cool” path and it all turned out so hollow in the end, and now they can't respect themselves. I have no such regrets, I look back and feel good - the price I paid was well worth it, if I can still respect myself. :)
And yes, sometimes no one will walk with you, you will be alone. I cannot claim to have an answer to loneliness, no way :) It sometimes helps to give what you don't have - reach out and make another lonely person feel less alone, therefore isolating yourself less from the stream of life.
And that feeling of sitting in a room where no one shares your interests or your beliefs or understands you - I've been there, so often! - and so have so many others, am sure.
Don't give up. You can bring about positive change; you can give others the courage to be what they are afraid to be. Speak up! The world needs more people like you.
And by the way, you write really well!
All the very best!
A
I completely agree. Following a path set independently of the general public is never easy. However, there is no other satisfactory option that has a hope of fixing the problem. Following along with the followers has the momentary benefit of fitting-in, but it is a sure way to alienate one from one's self-respect.
ReplyDeleteIt also takes a great deal of conviction to maintain independence from the bulk of society. People who do sell-out and follow along with the gambit, I think, realize that they are fake, that they have sold out to social pressure, and seeing anyone stand up against the pressure is a painful reminder of what they have allowed themselves to become. Consequently, I think they try their very hardest to push and pull until your standing where they are, and if they fail to push or pull you, they then reject you, hoping that you will become desperate for the feeling of acceptance and turn to their side. I believe that ostracism is perhaps the most powerful tool of persuasion in the long-run.
I appreciate your comment, your complement on my writing, and your encouragement. Words of kindness and encouragement are rarely given so freely. I myself am only 22, but I will not be persuaded to set aside my conviction to stand independently of heard-mentality. But, it is a truly sad fact that such conviction is necessary, that following society does not lead in a proper direction. I hope one day more people are willing and able to rise above simple follow-the-leader thinking and fix cultural problems.
--Kyle